The Black Guy Who Tips

A Free Comedy Talk Show With the Motto - Nothing's Wrong If It's Funny

Random Thoughts For Mother’s Day

1. The Dollar Store sells pregnancy test? I’d treat those bad boys like an NBA play-off series. Best of 7 results wins. “Hey I got 4 positives and 3 negatives. I guess I’m not pregnant?”

2. All of my favorite emails begin with the same thing… “your payment has been received”

3. The more I think about it that dunk that Blake Griffin did over the Kia in the All Star slam dunk contest was pretty stupid. Who buys a car because it has been dunked on? Isn’t that what we’re all trying to avoid in real life? Maybe if they had driven the car into Blake Griffin and it blocked his shot then I’d think about buying a Kia.

Sidenote: Has Baron Davis ever looked happier than throwing that alley-oop for Blake while sitting in the driver’s seat? I wonder how Cleveland is working out for him? Too soon?

4. I had the saddest thought today. I bet the Beastie Boys all vote Republican now. What if they are birthers? I know they have a new album coming out soon. I bet they have tracks named “Just show us the birth certificate”, “Bronze Monkey” or “Fight For Your Right To Tea Party”.

5. It’s not officially the end of the world until some dude who only goes by the name “Snake” is our last hope.
Sidenote: Heroes who wear eye patches but can still shoot with the accuracy of a class A marksman freak me out. How can they do that with no depth perception?

6. When is Angry Birds going to come out with a Kwanzaa edition for “Angry Birds: Seasons”?

7. So if someone wants to be your friend on Facebook but they used to bully you back in the day… what does it say if you accept them? Does it mean you’ve forgiven them or does it mean you’re still a pussy? Or does it just mean you want to look at their pictures and see if their life is better than yours?

8. Sometimes you have to do the extra stuff in relationship. It’s about the little things like stealing her Facebook passwords. If you don’t take the time to look through their pockets for phone numbers then can you really say you care?

9. Will we ever truly have the real life innovations like the ones they have in video games already? I would like health packs to sustain me when I do stupid shit. Also I’d like to be able to save my game before important moments through out my day. Like if I have an important meeting with my boss I’d save first. Wait… is my boss going to actually be the boss level of my video game?

10. I don’t need no fucking number 10 random thought.

11. The n-word is the only slang term that white people invented first. And it stuck too. It has the same meaning that it had back when they started using it. It wasn’t co-opted and changed in meaning. Then black people made it too cool for them to every have it back. At least they still have “secret Muslim”, “thug” and “Tyler Perry fan” to call us.

12. If you’re walking down the street and you see a news camera pointed at your torso but it’s not focusing on your face… it’s time to hit the gym. I’m like one news report away from hitting a treadmill at 5 am every morning.

13. What if Tyler Perry is from an alternate universe where criticism was never invented? It would make sense right?

14. Isn’t a serial killer just a hoarder of corpses? They need their own TV show on A & E

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1 Comment

  1. 7 and 8 had me lmao

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