First things first, you need to go HERE to understand the satire you’re about to read.
1. They Love Animals – white women will not only kiss you on the mouth but they will also kiss your dog on the mouth. While many black women don’t want to own a pet unless they are going to use it for dog fighting, white women will welcome animals of all kinds with open arms. The fact that she is receptive to dealing with your black ass means that she’s already willing to let a savage animal in her house.
2. They Are More Secure – It’s hard to cheat on a black woman. They want an unrealistic relationship based on made up words like “respect” and “monogamy”. Black women are intimidating because of all of their education and Destiny’s Child music collections. Black women see cheating as lazy, disrespectful and disgusting. In the white culture this is just considered an “open relationship”. This is why they love to give oral sex. It’s not demeaning to them in any way. White women love to give oral sex like black women hate to go to the gym. Look it up! It’s in books and stuff!
3. Fear of A Black Planet – You can’t pull out the “because I’m black!” argument on a black woman when she ask you why you didn’t even attempt to apply for a job today after sitting on the couch playing NBA 2k10 while she was at work. When she walks in the house and smells the liquor on your breath and the faint scent of weed in the air and says, “Tyrone! Really? You didn’t even log onto the jobs.com account I created for you?” You can just look her in the face and say, “Cause I’m black okay? Is that what you want to hear?!” Things like this will keep you from having to watch the movie “Precious” or attending church when football is on.
4. They Give You More Credit – Brothers, we all know after years of dating black women and ruining their credit that it’s very constricting. I mean how can I expect to get the new Lebron James shoes AND the Kinect add on for my Xbox 360 on a $500 credit card in my girl’s name? It’s damned near impossible. That’s why you have to use the sistas for a gateway to getting on a white woman’s credit line. If she tries to deny you all you have to do is go back to reason number 3 and play the race card. “Oh so I’m good enough for your bed but not your bank account!?! Cause I’m black!” Black women are always checking their statements and questioning you about unauthorized charges and stuff. Who needs that stress? And of course all brothers know that the fatter the white woman the fatter the wallet.
5. They Have Good Family Backgrounds – A recent survey I conducted among my friends scientifically proved that 0% of white women have children out of wedlock. While stereotypes I gained by watching BET say that 99% of black women have multiple kids out of wedlock and 100% have at least 1 child out of wedlock. Further research on the documentary show Maury went deeper into the problem showing that only 1 in 3 black women are correct when choosing who the father of their child is. Even though 100% of these women claimed to be certain. Hard to argue with science right?
6. White Women Are Book Smart – I know that statistics show that many black women graduate from college. Many will even tell you that they read often but what are they reading? Old issues of Jet while waiting to get their hair “did”? Or maybe they are reading the latest book by Steven Harvey on why they just can’t find a man and how it’s their own entire fault. White women are always reading things that educate them so that they may better your life. Meanwhile sisters are street smart but how is that going to help you when applying for a home loan? Have street smarts ever improved your credit score?
7. They Aren’t Worried About Being Independent – Because white women always have fathers and never ever come from broken homes all of them always value having a man in their lives. You don’t even have to be a good man because they are just happy to have any sort of black man. While any date with a black woman will deteriorate into listening to a list of their accomplishments without a man. Look if I want to watch a black woman eat food while masturbating to her own resume I’ll watch Oprah.
8. They Are Okay With Thugs – White women are always looking for ways to stand out from the crowd and rebel against their upbringing. What better way for them to prove how cool they are than by bringing home a tatted up ex con for Thanksgiving with the folks. I know the dinner will be awkward but trust me, her family’s hatred of you only makes her love stronger. She doesn’t mind you staying up till 3 am playing Scarface with the volume loud enough to wake the neighbors. Hell, she’ll even come down and answer the door when the cops come by to investigate