Flux Capacitor Anyone?

1. I don’t want to time travel but I do want people to think that I’m working on time traveling. So here is a cheap way to give the impression that you’re trying to travel through time. Walk up to one of your friends and shake them around the shoulders and ask them “What’s today’s date?” Then ask them for the year. And when they tell you it’s 2010. You say, “It didn’t work!” and storm off.

You Can’t Even Eat This

2. The people who “settled” (i.e. stole) America were of the same culture that spawned the current climate of that we live in. It’s because of our roots that we’re wasteful and we constantly live in the moment. I wonder if that means when the settlers got here they were just killing all kinds of helpless animals just for shit’s sake. For some reason the idea of buffalo and bald eagles being killed for no reason other than target practice or to pass the time made me giggle. How casually did we end up driving these animals to extinction or endangerment without a second thought.

Do You Take Rain Checks?

3. You know how people always bring up the classic “indecent proposal” question with relationships? If someone gave you a million dollars would you or your mate sleep with them for 24 hours and then go back to normal but with a million bucks in tow? What if that scenario happened but instead of just getting all million dollars the guy or girl could only pay you a little bit at a time? That would suck. I guess the idea here is that a lump sum of money seems more appealing and promises to fix all your problems but a constant trickle of money that you constantly have to harass someone for, would probably cause you to break up. Just a thought.

The Good Old Days Huh?

4. Any time someone starts a sentence with “back in the day” the next thing out their mouth is probably going to be a lie. “Back in the day when you approached a woman she knew to take you seriously.” “Back in the day when you could pray in schools kids were better behaved.”

So I have to tell 3 people what a first down is?

5. Someone needs to create an online course to teach single women about football. It would save men a ton of time during games.

And You Wonder Why Caradine Did It?

6. If you think about it the game “hang man” is a pretty fucking morbid. I mean this guy doesn’t even get a trial? His entire fate is put up as the stakes in a game of guessing letters? How is that fair? What about his stick family? How many innocent stick men have died in the imaginations of little kids? I always felt sad about that game when I was a child. “Hey, I’m bored! Let’s pretend to kill someone!”

You Can’t See Me

7. My magical headphones make me invisible to social interaction around my office. But I think they are starting to wear off.

Hmm… not yet…

8. How many shapes of objects did the Klan go through before deciding on the cross? Were they burning circles and triangles first? Did these other things not strike enough fear? Maybe the other objects were just too cumbersome to load onto the back of a horse. I wonder if some guy who owned a big wooden cross store came up with the idea of the Klan just to sell his overstock.

Giggity

9. How to cheat on your wife and get away with it:
A. Go out and buy a wig and some lingerie
B. Make reservations at a nice restaurant
C. Put on a suit
D. Tell your wife to put on the wig and nice clothes with the underwear on underneath
E. Call her a different name at the restaurant and in the car
F. Have sex

Why Yes You Can

10. Can I buy a personalized Plaxico jersey with his prison number on it?

Everything That Tips?

11. Kriss from The Insanity Check podcast told me that I might have to buy all the domain names similar to “The Black Guy Who Tips”. I was thinking about that and I don’t think I can do this. The title of our podcast plays on racial stereotypes. Would I have to buy “The Black Guy Who Reads” and “The Black Guy Who Raises His Kids” too? I don’t think so.

12. I really hope heaven’s invitations has a “Plus 1” policy. Maybe I can get in on my wife’s guest pass.

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