One part water and two parts crack... sounds good.
1. If you fail chemistry then you shouldn’t be allowed to use the term “experimenting” when it comes to doing drugs. Unless you’re pulling out a Petri dish and some test tubes, you’re just a dude that smokes crack. Get over yourself. Also you can’t call something a recreational drug if all it causes you to do is sit around the house. Crack is sort of a recreational drug but that’s because it causes you to get off your ass and hustle for your next rock.
It's gonna be a long day.
2. In Ethiopia, I bet episodes of Cops last 3 or 4 days. Once they start running from the police the chase is probably really slow and long. #marathon
3. On the song “Forever” Lil Wayne says, “And I will never stop. Like I’m running from the cops.” Word? Looks like you stopped, got some dentistry and promptly reported to prison. That ain’t keeping it real!
And you never will.
4. Women love to play hard to get but they hate to win. Nothing worse than a woman who has that desperate look in her eyes because she’s been single a bit too long. If you're too hard to get then you end up by yourself. Don't get bitter at men because they stopped trying so hard.
Who will inspire privileged white kids now, Tiger?
5. A PGA spokesperson said that Tiger Woods “let the children down” with his entire public fiasco that started by him cheating on his wife. Word? You know what let’s children down? LIFE! Have you seen life these days? I think the divorce rate of over 50% is more of a “let down” than anything a sports figure is capable of doing. Maybe 70% of black children being born out of wedlock is a bit more disappointing than Tiger Woods getting some strange. And I’m not even a depressed sort of dude but you know I’m telling the truth. They used the word “hero” to refer to Tiger Woods. Heroes wear tights and fight super villains. Tiger Woods is just a nigga that plays golf real good.
Fuck Niggas, Get Money!
6. If Gloria Alred is so concerned with helping the scorned mistresses of Tiger Woods because he lied to them, then why hasn’t she ever done charity work for all these baby mothers out here? You think Shaqueesha wouldn’t like to put on a press conference about her trifling ass ex? Oh I see, I guess there isn’t enough fame in Tyrone’s name to justify some pro bono work.
Sleep is for suckas!
7. Have you heard of “Sedation Dentistry”? That’s where they put you out using drugs while they do dental work on you. You can even get it for routine checkups. Well, I want to create a new type of procedure for people who are into S & M and bondage. “Wide Awake Dentistry”. We would give you a stimulant and tie you down so you can feel every excruciating invasive tool that scrapes your gums until they bleed. We would also allow our patients to dress in gimp costumes while erotic scenes from edgy movies played in the background. Who’s in?
Last night was so epic dude!
8. Are worms the alcoholics of the insect community? Every time I come into work early in the morning I see worms writhing around on the concrete. Why? Were they are out drinking all night and then woke up suddenly in a life or death situation? Worms can’t make it in the Sunlight but as soon as it’s dark they are out partying everywhere! They are like drunken frat guys trying to stumble home from the “walk of shame” on Sunday morning.
I'll wait for the next gas station!
9. I was in a bad part of town tonight (Sorry Darric) and there was gas station with a sign on it that said “Cornor” store. That immediately brought a question to my mind. Did they spell “corner” wrong or “coroner”? It really doesn’t matter what the answer is because I would NEVER take the keys out of my ignition around that place.