You need each other.

  • Kobe and Pau Gasol secretly despising working with each other while needing each other more than ever. This all came to a head when the Lakers were swept out of the play-offs by the eventual 2011 NBA champs, the Dallas Mavericks. Every pass that went off Gasol’s hands and landed out of bounds had Kobe looking at Pau with rape in his eyes. And every huddle during a time out had Pau looking at Kobe like “I wish I had called in sick today.” Pau played piss poor last year against the Mavs and needs Kobe’s faith in him just as much as Kobe needs Pau to play good again. Say what you want about Kobe but he’s a leader and if he believes you can get the job done then so goes the rest of the team. My favorite part about the Lakers collapse was Phil Jackson looking like he already had his plane tickets to Bermuda and that “I need some space” email drafted to send to Jeanie Buss. That was some good ass drama. The rumors about affairs and teammates violating the man code with each other’s fiancé’s and stuff only made the drama better. Now Mike Brown is the “coach” for the team. This year the stakes would’ve been even higher as Kobe is 100% aware that he doesn’t have much time left. The team could implode around Kobe or be driven to win like never before. And the people who hate Kobe will still be hating either way.

 

  • Side note: Lamar Odom looks so happy man. As my father would say, “He’s in love like a big dog.” I love playing “Is Lamar still smoking weed?” game like once a week. Just look at his endorsements and his TV appearances. He’s either selling your $5 boxes from Taco Bell or eating nachos out of the NBA championship trophy. Those are stoner ads man. I don’t know if I’ll ever look at Lamar Odom without checking the redness of his eyes again.

Boom!

  • That Greg Oden season ending injury that we all hope won’t happen but we all KNOW will happen. The only thing Greg Oden has really given NBA fans is a classic ESPN advertisement. Other than that what can we say for dude? A handful of good games every season and a reminder why some times picking the big man number 1 over all is the wrong choice? Not to mention the countless hours of disasturbation by ESPN analyst about his wasted potential and unfortunate circumstances. I bet if you add up all the hours of diatribes about the sadness of Oden’s knee injuries it’s longer than his actual time played in games.

 

  • Side note: You know who gotta be real real happy about Greg Oden being hurt all the damned time? Brandon Roy. I swear that nigga gets a pass for being injury prone. People constantly shit on the Charlotte Bobcats for not drafting Brandon Roy despite him refusing to work out for the team but everyone forgets the rumors of Roy’s chronic foot issues. I’m not saying that the Bobcats made the right decision going for Adam Morrison but Roy had his issues too.

Is he too corny to be controversial?

  • Dwight Howard still dominating the NBA sans post game. For true fans of NBA big men has there been anything more frustrating than “Smallville” refusing to take the initiative to develop some aggressive post moves? This dude is the first center with “passive aggressive” post moves. I swear it seems like Drake is his footwork coach. Maybe it’s just his attitude towards life but he never seems to demand the ball in the paint in clutch situations. He just can’t make that leap where he would go from “problem” to “un-guardable” in the paint. How many times do we need to see that play-off loss press conference where he talks about touching the ball only 3 times in the 4th quarter? How many times can his teammates go HAM from the three point line while looking him off in clutch situations? How many stupid gangly elbows is he going to land in an opponent’s grill by accident? I have no problem with intentional elbows but the ones that occur by sheer carelessness and lead to him fouling out? At this point this is just who Dwight is. He’s never going to make it to Superman status but it’s still fun roasting him as he continues to use his sideline dancing antics and sense of humor to distract us from his ring-less fingers.

 

  • Side note: I feel like we’ve been deprived of the “Dwight Howard shooting a grenade launcher in the Modern Warfare commercial” controversy. When Kobe did this last year it shut down the media for a couple days. Outside the Lines even had a special “let’s bring in some black people” episode discussing the effects of a “role model” shooting a gun in a national commercial. This time … nothing. The lesson here? People still hate Kobe.

He was this comfortable BEFORE being paid to be on the set...

  • Shaq on TNT. I love the NBA and I love ratchetness. We know this. It’s like 90% of the reason I watch ratchetball wives (and ratchetball wives LA). Now what would be more filled with drama, bitterness and hate than Shaq on TNT acting all spiteful? Shaq has never been one to hold his tongue and he’s a little too petty to be politically correct. I bet he’s jealous of the niche that Charles Barkley has carved out for himself in his post playing career as the “people’s champ” when it comes to looking at the past with rose tinted glasses. That’s a dynamic I want to see play out on the show. Not to mention the TNT studio crew replaying the Barkley “scoop and punch” clip where he used all of his old man strength to take apart a young Shaq. Every post game live interview will be filled with sideways slander from Shaq. I feel like Shaq still has a couple of ignorant inflammatory off the cuff remarks in him. Maybe something about Hitler and Omri Caspi. It could happen.

 

  • Side note: How many enemies has this guy made in his career? And I don’t mean people who hate Shaq. I mean people he’s turned into punching bags on his way out the door. Has he ever left a team and had something good to say about every one?  He’s shitted on Phil, Penny, Kobe, D’Anotni, Dwight Howard, Erick Dampier, Stan Van Gundy and my personal favorite … Jason “White Chocolate” Williams. At this point I bet it’s impossible to show a clip of an NBA team where Shaq doesn’t have something snarky to say. Not to mention this guy is just barely retired! That means that the current players don’t see him as this elder statesman to be tolerated like they do Barkley. We could see some legit trash talking in those post game interviews. I need this in my life!
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