Last Year Of This Risky Behavior. Enjoy It While It Last

  • Blake Griffin’s “sophomore” season progression. Everyone knows that typical NBA progression for a player is to trend upwards the first 3 to 4 years in the league. If you thought Griffin was relentlessly dominating the competition last year what would he have done this year? He’s still in that mentality of a young invincible indestructible guy. I want to get every second of Blake Griffin’s ascension that we can. Once he realizes there is no money in being injured and develops that consistent contact avoiding jump shot the days of mid game dunk contests will be a thing of the past. I predict in 2 years Blake gone be pulling up for jumpers and developing up and under safe moves so he can see ALL that money from those contracts.


  • Side Note: I’m also looking forward to Blake half-assing his defense of the slam dunk contest. He’s now achieved that level of stardom where the contest can do more to hurt him than help him. Dwight Howard did it a while back when he let Nate Robinson dunk over him just to be done with the contest. To be honest … that’s who I’d like to see win the contest again, Nate Robinson. Short people in the dunk contest will never NOT be good. They already have that Napoleon complex and they actually give a fuck. There is no short NBA player who can’t be made MORE famous by winning a dunk contest. On the low that shit kept Spudd Webb in the NBA for like 5 extra years.

They Don't Even Start Trying To Win Until March At the Earliest


  • Everyone completely overreacting to team’s wins and losses before February. It happens every year. They start with the “Will Miami win all 82 games?!” or “The Lakers have lost 3 games in a row! Can they make the play-offs! Is the dynasty over?!” And I enjoy the conversation every year because we all know it’s coming down to the same 4 to 8 teams in the last few rounds of the play-offs every year. With fewer games in the season we could possibly have even more hype surrounding every loss. It’s going to get crazy. Suddenly the Bucks will be leading “NBA Today” after a hot start and Stuart Scott will use some terrible 90’s slang like, “Is Stephen Jackson’s butter cause the Bucks are on a roll to the NBA finals with a 7 and 2 start to the season!” And I’ll be like, “Is something behind me? What is he looking at?”


  • Side Note: Another thing I can’t wait to see is which old ass has been the Celtics drag out of the casket to play on the team this year. They’ve been doing this for a while now. Rasheed Wallace, Jermaine O’Neal and Shaq. Who’s next? Is Dr. J still shooting hoops at his local YMCA? What’s Allen Iverson up to? At this point maybe Larry Bird IS walking through that door. Allan Houston is somewhere lifting weights like “all I need is one more shot.” There isn’t a funnier site in the NBA than a January game where the Celtics decide “we ain’t running with these young boys tonight” and lose to the Golden State Warriors by 40.

If You Had One Ring, One Chance... What Would You Do?


  • The Dallas Mavericks imploding in May when Dirk realizes he’s the only one on the team who actually was planning on winning multiple championships. Look at that roster and think about all the players on the Mavericks who thought “I finally got my ring! Now I can die happy!” Jason Kidd wanted a ring so bad he worked on his set shot. I bet dude hasn’t even shot the ball around in his drive way this off season. Jason Terry is a low key old dude too. You think I didn’t notice how that head band slid further back on his head every year? I thought I was watching “Touch By An Angel” one day and then realized it was just Jason Terry wearing his headband like a halo. Shawn Marion never thought he’d be able to get a ring once he stopped playing with Steve Nash and quickly realized “catching alley oops” is a useless skill set when no one is throwing up lobs. JJ Barea is too busy showing off his official NBA jersey to women in the club to convince them that he’s an NBA champion AND old enough to actually be drinking in the club. The disease of “more” is going to be upon the Mavs and I just don’t see them holding it together long enough to win multiple rings. Maybe they’ll prove me wrong.


  • Side Note: Dirk was finally gonna get to do his victory lap around the NBA. He was going to get arenas full of genuine “Welcome to white America” love this season. He’s been German ever since he got exposed by Stephen Jackson when the Mavs were upset by the Warriors a while back. White people disowned Dirk like he was part of the Emancipation Proclamation. Then Dirk got his heart broke by a random black chick with a criminal history and he didn’t come out of that funk until he listened to “808’s and Heartbreaks” for a couple months. But now Dirk is back baby. White people started drinking German beers again and saying things like “I always liked Dirk. He reminds me of Larry Bird.”

Mama There Goes That Man


  • Coach Mark Jackson of the Golden State Warriors. I’m not sure what the owners of the Warriors were thinking when they hired Mark Jackson. Mark Jackson successfully navigated the world of NBA analysis while managing to offer no actual NBA analysis. Sure, he’s full of catch phrases but can you “catch phrase” your way into the play-offs? I can’t wait until they have a TV camera in the huddle and we get some classic Mark Jackson audio. I can already see him drawing with a sharpie on a handheld clipboard and looking at Steph Curry like, “Okay you’re gonna put the kiddies to bed and then come off this pick. Make a grown man move and say ‘Mama there goes that man!’ Everyone got it? Good. Hand Down Man Down on three! 1, 2 … HAND DOWN MAN DOWN!” Then the team will collectively look at each other like, “So what’s the play?” And Steph Curry will roll his eyes and say “Iso?”
  • Mark Jackson getting a head coaching gig is EXACTLY why the lock out doesn’t mean a damned thing. These are the kinds of decisions that owners make and then wonder why their team can’t compete for the next 3 years. Fans will still be suckered into thinking, “Well the players are just overpaid and lazy” like that’s going to stop GMs from tying up money in all sorts of stupid ventures. I don’t care how much money the players give back in salary when your ownership think “Hey the guy with those funny ass catch phrases… let’s get him in here for an interview”, you’re already doomed to suck for years to come. This is like watching the movie “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” and rooting for Ike Turner to change his ways.
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