Rod and Karen review the video game movie “Borderlands.” They also discuss movie trailers and listener feedback.
Spoiled Reviews: (Protected Content)
SMR 509: Borderlands
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Ok, we need to roast this film in the stylings of the Player Haters Ball. I also see why game developers have such anxiety just making shit now. Borderlands: The Actual Film! is more soulless than a shareholder meeting & David Zaslav combined, which is impressive. Did I mention I saw this for free with a redemption from Regal Cinema? An ass kicking from Shang Tsung & Last Dragon’s Shonuff would feel better than what the 17 of us experienced.
Bad movies have a hook that makes the experience memorable, exciting even. Look, I hated The Flash from last year, at least there was a hint of potentially cool stuff in it beneath the shitty execution, this feels like Cate Blanchett, Jamie Lee Curtis, Brianna Greenblatt (poor child, she was bad here. Usual a good actor. Writing team so failed her), Jack Black (Probably the only one who really wanted to be here & I didn’t laugh once) & Kevin Hart were all given a dare to be in this shitty film. Except, dare’s are supposed to be fun.
Borderlands is so bad, I retroactively gave Tarot an additional star (originally gave it 1/5 on LetterboxD) as an apology. Still dislike that movie, but it wasn’t THIS debacle!
Y’all remember when copies of E.T. for Atari were sent to a landfill because it was so damn bad? We need to bring that back, but for this movie. No pardons, no discussions, no nothing. Landfills all of the film reels, video releases, etc. Fahrenheit 451 this shit too, while you’re at it.
Lionsgate should’ve wrote this shit off & paid us all. Pay 2K Games & Gearbox Studios for this. They’ll be fine, imo. In the short-term, their reputation will be hurt, but they got some good shit coming in. 2K games (owned by the people who also own the Grand Theft Auto series) shouldn’t worry too long. Lionsgate hardly has anything outside of Hunger Games, Dat Lympus, Saw & John Wick. That Crow movie is apparently not looking good, either.
For all of the shit that Disney, Warner Bros, Universal & Paramount get, where’s the smoke for Lionsgate? These niggas ain’t even got Tyler Perry to save them anymore. Lionsgate had the audacity to release this tripe. A’ight, I’m done.
Can’t believe this development hell film was THIS bad. On the bright side, I got new curtains for my apartment. See, I’m over it already.
I was screaming Rod that you had read my Deadpool comment before you caught it. Then you read my Trap comment for the second time without catching it and I died laughing.
Thanks for this review of Borderlands, I am not a gamer, so I went into this movie off the first trailer which Karen rightly pointed out was promising a good time. I felt meh after watching it but said let me hear from people familiar with the game right after watching. Whew!
In the same year that we got Fallout, this dropped? Talk about a movie that should have been a tax write off. Way too predictable, I was shocked that this was from Eli Roth. The violence was a naaaaah for PG13, the movie took itself way too seriously and at the same time felt like it didn’t know what it wanted to be. I yawned a lot and was blaming everything in life except the movie. If I didn’t have a crush on Cate Blanchett, I probably would have been asleep. I should have just continued to watch the trailer for Rebel Ridge instead of this. Waste of a cast too!