1. Everything I learn about other cultures comes from porn. Did you know that Japanese people have pixelated genitalia? It’s true.
2. I was at the gas station the other day getting some gas. You really do have to jump through a lot of hoops to get some gas. It’s like filling out a pop quiz. What is your zip code? Do you want debit or credit? Do you want a receipt? Would you like a car wash? Why didn’t you answer the phone when I called? Where were you last night? Let me see your Facebook password! You cheating on me nigga? I will cut your dick off!
3. So it’s black history month and in observance of all of the sacrifices that my ancestors have made for me in order for me to be here doing this blog I’ve decide to call it “Call of Duty: African American Ops” for the rest of the month.
4. I was reading an article for the podcast about a black man receiving a noose in his locker at his job. The noose supposedly was an “ominous message” as opposed to the friendly nooses for occasions like, “welcome to the neighborhood” or “happy birthday”.
5. Instead of “how many people have you slept with” wouldn’t a better question be, “how many more people do you plan on sleeping with”?
6. I am always slightly annoyed when rappers start their verses with “listen”.
As opposed to what? You already have my attention. I’m actually expecting you to rap at any moment. Do you think I just have the song on in the background and I’m turning it down when the words come on? Stop insulting my intelligence. That’s like me starting a blog post with “read this!”
7. Look ladies, I don’t know what Bruno Mars is trying to convince you of but I won’t catch a grenade for you. I might catch a cab for you. If it’s love then I would catch a plane for you. More than likely I’ll catch a movie and a bite to eat for you. I also won’t catch an STD or a case for you either.
8. I have a friend who recently started a new job and she asked me for some advice. I was like, “On day one you walk up to the biggest mofo in that place. You look them right in the face and you knock them out in front of everyone. Let ‘em know you’re not to be messed with.” When I hung up I realized I had accidentally given her my prison advice speech. So if anyone is hiring in the Virginia area please contact [email protected]
9. I was listening to a song by The Lox the other day and by the time I turned off the song I had been shot 18 times.
10. JaRule is saying that his next album won’t have any derogatory references to women. I think the album will be somewhere between 10 and 20 minutes long.
11. Hey conspiracy theorist if they let you say it on your podcast or blog then it’s probably not true. You’ll know you’re onto the truth when they come to kill you.
12. Have you ever considered that Gucci Mane may have done his face like that because while you can steal a chain you can’t steal tattoo.