The Black Guy Who Tips

A Free Comedy Talk Show With the Motto - Nothing's Wrong If It's Funny

April Jewels Day

1. I was listening to “Where’s My 40 Acres?!” Podcast the other day and they were talking about the man who punch a woman and left her in a coma over a parking space. Now in all fairness we have no idea how good this parking space was, but there is an important lesson to be learned here. Even though people say you should never hit a woman women get hit every day. Just remember ladies life isn’t a video game. There are no buttons on the controller of life that don’t work. So while you shouldn’t be walking around in constant fear of being hit during an altercation just remember that it can and does happen often.

2. Some people call it segregation. I call it the “original all white party”. I mean Diddy puts one on in Miami every year. Why can’t white people?

3. I ran a red light to avoid eye contact with a homeless man today. Am I turning into a softy?

4. Vegans probably don’t swallow right?

5. Spammers are getting lazier. I’ve been receiving the same email from different addresses. All it says in the subject line is “I have a business proposal for you.” Then the actual body of the email is blank. Who is that going to work on? What happened to the days of elaborate stories that involved hardships and peril? Step it up spammers.

6. You can tell how healthy a microwave meal is supposed to be by the instructions on the box. If it tells you to microwave it on 54% while cutting a slit in the tops and placing it in a pot of boiling water then you are eating a healthy choice meal or something.

7. An investigation into the “Pay N Spray” auto painting shops could single handedly destroy the entire crime world of Vice City. I mean really is there any reason you should be able to pay $200 for a paint job that takes a few minutes and they even guarantee to knock of the stars on your “wanted” status.

8. I was watching the movie “Jason X” for the first time the other day and I had to turn it off. I don’t know if it’s a 2 part movie or what but he never even gets close to turning Muslim. Did Spike Lee even direct this movie? I’m assuming it’s a prequel to Malcolm X but I don’t know man. Total rip off.

9. Taco Bell’s new shrimp tacos are over 80% beef.

10. I was talking to someone about the rapper “Joe Budden” but I spelled his last name “Button”. And they had to correct me. I was like, “My bad I forgot to spell his last name incorrectly.” Only in hip hop.

11. If only Tami, Royce, Jennifer and Shaunie return for the next season of The Basketball “Wives” then I’m officially calling it “The Return of 4 Heffas” . Ratchetball Wives is bound to be epic again.

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2 Comments

  1. Joe Budden isn't even relevant IMO. His flow is average New york stuff

  2. "we have no idea how good this parking space was", nigga..this shit is hilarious.

    in reference to the homeless: don't the homeless niggas usually stall out in the same spot? i'm like this…i may give a dollar or some shit, one time…if i recognize the maufucka again, whether it be the next day…next month..whatever, it's a wrap! they ain't gettin' another dime from me..them niggas ain't on my payroll..the most they gonna get from me after that is…advice.
    Now..i ain't totally hard (pause)…after the New Year, i'll come out the pocket again…but that's it.

    that Jason X shit was funny…it didn't click in until a few seconds, but i got it.

    anyways…i'm out! *bamf*

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