The Black Guy Who Tips

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14 Random Thoughts On The 4th Of July

1. There is a portal to an alternate dimension in my dryer. It’s where my socks disappear to.


2. The Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block had a concert in Canada. How long can they still be called Kids and Boys? At this point isn’t more like “The Creepy Guys on the Block” or “Backstreet Fellows”?

3. If I’m ever stuck in my seat belt in an upside down car with gasoline flowing from my severed fuel line as sparks threaten to ignite the gas and burn me alive I think my last thought will be “great, I’m going to die in a fucking bad movie cliché.”

4. I think people just like being in relationships so they can have someone nice to think about when they hear love songs.

5. How disappointed were gay men when they first heard the rapper “Fabolous”?

6. You think Calvin owns that McDonald’s yet?

7. People hate Lebron so much right now that I’m waiting for him to release his long form birth certificate at his next press conference.

8. I hate when there are paper towels on the bathroom floor like someone wiped their hands and made it rain napkins.

9. Degrees are over rated. Why else would it take 425 of them to bake a pizza in under a half hour? Fuck school.

10. If you want to see Alexis Texas fuck a black dude just adjust the tint on your TV.

11. I’m pretty sure Victoria’s Secret was that she’s a hoe.

12. I’m totally against group think and peer pressure. Unless you guys are for it. Then in that case it’s cool with me. Please like me.

13. I don’t think people are racist. I just think the presence of a black person is a great reminder to remotely arm your car alarm system.

14. If you’re ever trying to sneak into a house and murder a family remember every time God closes are door he opens a window.

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5 Comments

  1. I'm with you, Rod. Degrees are overatted. Microwave it.

  2. ROD,

    Alexander Oneal DID Smoke his teeth OUT after Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis REFUSED to work with him because he REFUSED to go to REHAB for the second/third time —- SMOKIN’ CRACK on a REGULAR = NO TEETH BABY!!!! OH and did you know Price put him out of the TIME (Morris Day) because he wanted Cash for singing instead of random parts in Purple Rain!!!!

    RESEARCH: TV ONE UNSUNG…best show ever!!!

  3. Calvin is a successful business man that owns a McDowells in Queens, NY.

  4. Corbin Macklin

    07/04/2011 at 10:35 AM

    Rod you are a comedic genius! I had a good laugh at the one about remotely arming the car. Your racist comedy is very Chappelle like and I been sayin on Twitter you niggers should have a late night TV show… long as yall keep creative control… Just don't go to Africa and come back turning down money and fame LOL

  5. #7 is my fav. Its hard not to hate him…

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