The Impossible White Manifesto
Basic Guidelines For Impossible White Man Movies:
1. I can’t be a super hero / comic book movie. Not that these movies don’t have elements of “Impossible White Man” in them but comic book characters have super powers and that alone takes them out of the equation. This genre of movie is about average everyday white men rising to the challenges presented to them in order to achieve a greater purpose.
The idea here is that they are DOING super hero shit but they don’t have any qualifications other than being an average white man. They can have loosely defined skills such as a shady criminal history, a military background or even an athletic past. Those are fine but once you start saying he can shoot lasers out of his eyes all of the “Impossible” goes out the fucking window.
2. It HAS to be an action movie. You really would think this would be the easiest tenant of the genre but recently people have been fucking this up the most. A scify movie isn’t an action movie. A comedy isn’t an action movie. A drama isn’t an action movie. All of these movies may have elements of action in the movie, but it doesn’t make them an action movie.While you can have Impossible White Man movies with elements of comedy, drama or science fiction this doesn’t work the other way around.
So Marty McFly, Bill and Ted and Gatsby aren’t “Impossible White Men”. Just because a white person does something “impossible” in a movie doesn’t make it impossible white man. Every movie has something improbable happen during the course of the movie. That’s why they filmed it in the first place. You’ll know an Impossible White Man Movie when you view it. Think Indiana Jones, Die Hard, Lock Out or Lethal Weapon.
3. They can’t die in the end. This is the simplest of rules yet somehow people can’t grasp this. And Impossible White Man never truly gives EVERYTHING for the cause. The only way they can die is if they are immediately brought back to life through CPR, preferably by a hot chick. Examples of movies people THINK are Impossible White Man but aren’t: I Am Legend, Book Of Eli, Man On Fire and Terminator.
4. You don’t have to be white OR a man to play an Impossible White Man. It doesn’t matter what race of gender the hero of the movie is, the role is always “Impossible White Man.” In the movie “Salt” Angelina Jolie’s character is an Impossible White Man. Same with Will Smith in Independence Day.