Month: April 2011 (Page 2 of 6)

Vernon Maxwell – Now only was his skin tone black as night but he had fiery red eyes. He ran up in the stands before Stephen Jackson and them did it in Detroit. Some fan ran off with the mouth and Vernon decided to take matters into his own hands.

Stephon Marbury – Starbury wasn’t the first cat to “crazy” his way out of the NBA but he definitely did it the biggest. His 2009 exploits on live webcam over Ustream was one of the single greatest moments for crazy people in the last decade. He came out with his own brand of shoes that was cheaper than any of the bigger name brands. I really thought his heart was in the right place but after he tattooed a star into the side of his bald head I couldn’t bring myself to wear Starbury’s anymore. Then there was the time with the Knicks that lead to all sorts of stories of him smashing a Knicks employee in his SUV. He was a huge contradiction of on the court selfishness and off the court craziness.

Rasheed Wallace – his game has always been blackness personified. The demonstrative actions that always lead to pointless technical foul calls made it seem like Sheed thought “the man” was out to get him. Sheed is the kind of guy who can do much better but has found his niche on the court. Why put up 30 points a game when only the last few buckets will matter? Sheed’s game and attitude seems more at home on any Saturday morning at the park rather than the NBA. He’s supremely confident while at the same time arguing for every single call as if he’s never committed a foul in his life. When I saw him mouthing the words to “Verbal Intercourse” on his way to a game I realized that he was the embodiment of blackness and no one would ever be able to argue differently.

Nate Robinson – you know what Nate is doing while everyone is working on their game? He’s thinking about what he’s going to do in the dunk contest. Nate is that dude who gets run at every park in America because he gets a crazy dunk every once in a while and everyone goes crazy. Nate has that Napoleon complex, he’s strong as hell AND he can’t wait to fight you. Nate is all about showmanship and not about championships.

Charles Oakley – Notoriously cold on a white woman Oakley has made the rounds off the court. He once threw a ball at Tyron Hill’s head in a pre-game shoot around because Hill owed him money on a bet. Tyrone Hill wasn’t even on Oakley’s team at the time. The funniest part is that during the same year Oakley smacked Tyrone Hill before a preseason game and they were both kicked out of the game. And to top it off, he’s has been Jordan’s wing man in the club for years going back to when MJ was still married.

Stephen Jackson – If I told you that Big Shot Jax likes to smoke a Newport and take a shot of Cognac as a pre-game ritual wouldn’t you believe me? Exactly. And that’s not even bringing up the shoot out in Indiana or the fight in Detroit. He’s one of my favorite players in the NBA and I was ecstatic when the Bobcats traded to get him. I have no doubt that Jackson shows up to NBA games about 10 minutes before the shoot around starts in socks and flip flops with a black and mild under his headband.

Chris Mullin – First of all I can’t understand a damned thing that ever came out of Chris’ mouth. Can you? His GM tenure can only be compared to Jordan. He was rocking the high top fade back when Kid N Play were still kicking it. Much like Rex Chapman (who almost made this list too) he only dates sisters.

Anthony Mason – Just one look at the designs shaved into his head and you know this man is setting the standard for what it is to be black in the NBA. When I was a waiter at IHOP I waited on Mason once. The restaurant was full of families with small children. I went to take his order and he loudly inquired, “Ya’ll got some motherfucking OJ?!” He and his friends proceeded to curse up a storm for the next 45 minutes while brushing off anyone bold enough to attempt to get an autograph. He also tried to spit game to at least 3 IHOP waitresses before leaving.

Side note: After I wrote this Ki from the Atypical Sports Show actually brought up Mike’s image and how it was cleaned up by Nike early on. I agree completely.

Craig Hodges – Oh you thought all of these would be negative stereotypes right? Nope! Craig was black-balled from the NBA because he found awareness of self and started wearing Dashikis and stuff.  Even after being black listed from the NBA Craig came back and defended his three point champion crown during all star weekend. I think he even held a fist up in the air during the introductions.

Chris Jackson AKA Mahmoud Abdul Rauf – I remember when dude was just a point guard with turrets’ that would score at will on your team. Then all of a sudden he stopped coming out for the Pledge of Allegiance and all hell broke loose! White people did NOT like that one bit. He was calm and reserved but his actions got him blackballed from the league.

Allen Iverson – Cornrows, tats, Ebonics and a determination to be himself made Iverson extra black. This dude seemed to be on every 3^rd cover of Slam Magazine for at least 4 years. The cultural impact he had on short dudes at the basketball courts in the park was unrivaled. Not even Isaiah had this many 5’2” dudes gunning and shooting 10% while looking off open big men in the paint. Every little dude thought he was some cornrows and an under armour sleeve from being Iverson. This dude had commercials with the Lox rapping in them. Think about that. Even in his later years his unwillingness to conform as his ability deteriorated was the blackest thing going on in the NBA from 2008 to 2010.

Bill Russell – He was one of the blackest players of his era in a city that was known for not being to “negro friendly” at the time. He was a stoic leader who managed to lead his team to 11 rings in 12 years. He was the NBA’s first black coach even coaching while playing for a few years. He was the perfect black man for his time. He was thoughtful, self aware, reserved and regal all at the same time. He’s been a great ambassador for the game in his older age. This fierce competitor looks like a Cosby grandfather now. He’s like the George Washington Carver of black NBA players.

Patrick Ewing – He sweats profusely and always provided a menacing nemesis for Jordan’s Bulls teams. His eyes were often red and angry. His nostrils would flare with incredulous disbelief after every amazing Jordan shot. Years later when he was called to testify in the “Gold Club” scandal in Atlanta I wasn’t really surprised that he was the kind of dude that liked to get head from strippers while other dudes held a conversation with him.

Gary Payton – He was straight out of the home of Too $hort. Payton had that lock down defense and an undeniable swagger. He lead the league in trash talking and threw madd alley-oops to Shawn Kemp back when the alley-oop wasn’t really a weapon in the NBA. He dressed sharply with an stylish assortment of hats.

Shawn Kemp – Okay, yes… He’s got madd kids. Fell out of the league because of alcoholism and gaining a lot of weight. He never learned to hit that jump shot but he could jump out of the gym. The blackest thing he ever did on the court was dunking on Chris Gatling and then standing there until Chris gave him some “dap”. Oh wait, I take it back. His dunk on Alton Lister where he pointed at him before running back down the court was hall of fame worthy. Plus he used to grab his nuts while dunking on dudes so black… so strong.

Dikembe Mutumbo – when I think of Deke I think of a man that cares about his homeland in Africa. His charity efforts are world renowned. He was notorious for constantly asking players to invest in his hospital that he built back in Africa. Even though he was on more posters than any other center of his time he still led the league in blocks. Throw in the hilariousness of his speaking voice and you have one of the blackest players to ever get in the NBA.

1. Terrance Howard got let go from Iron Man 2? I guess it really is hard out there for a pimp.

2. How can a prison be over crowded? It’s prison! I picture all prisons being like the Amistad. People’s hands and faces pressed against the bars because there is no room inside. Not saying that it’s right but that’s the image in my head that keeps me from going to prison. Well that and coerced sodomy.

3. I don’t ask couples how they met. I ask how did ya’ll stay together? I’m deep.

4. Amazing how every media personality was pissed about Tiger’s press conference but they still managed to cover it.

5. People ask me when we’re going to have a kid. I don’t know but I already kind of have a kid. It’s my wife. She watches cartoons all day and goes to bed early and I kind of have to fuss at her to get her to clean up. Isn’t that enough?

6. At this point there have been so many lame “American Pie” straight to DVD rip-offs why can’t they just release a soft core DVD of all their nudity in these horrible movies?

7. Am I the only one who has a problem with the girl from Precious also being nominated for her role as the Michael Orr in “The Blind Side”?

8. Al Gore invented the internet because he was banned from the adult video store. True story.

9. If a fantasy football team owner dies, how long do you have to wait before approaching the league for his old spot?

10. I wonder how awkward it was for white people who were big fans of Public Enemy? Some of those songs were pretty bitter.

11. I told a story on The Black Guy Who Tips Podcast where I tried to protect people’s anonymity. One of my Facebook friends hits me up and adds the name of the guy who the story was about to his wall post on my page. WTF man? And if you’re reading this blog post: Yes that was about you Jason. lol

12. I want to start my own line of nerd apparel with t-shirts that have slogans like, “Having Lunch Money is overrated.”

13. If I’m 50 Cent I call up Tiger Woods right now and sign him to Vitamin Water.

14. If you think about it Monsters Inc was about two gay dudes adopting an Asian baby. This movie was visionary.

This season of the Boondocks has been received with mixed reviews. While the season hasn’t ended yet, I can see why some people would think it’s been subpar thus far. For one, we’re judging this season on a per episode basis. I saw the same thing happen with the second season too. On the hip hop message board that I used to frequent people would comment after every episode of the second season as if it was the end of the world. Now that time has passed it seems that universal consensus is that the second season was excellent when judged as an entire body of work. I’m not saying this season is the same as the second but I would like to view it in its entirety before judging it to be subpar.

Making a satirical show about black culture in America is very difficult to do. There is a lot of timeliness involved with pop culture and the cycle of relevancy is speeding up. Taking a two year break sort of hurts the content of these episodes. This is evidenced by Chappelle’s struggles to make it through just three seasons of his own show. Once a show like The Boondocks becomes known for its biting wit and brash statement on controversial topics, people can’t help but to tune in. And that’s when the suits come in. You know the suits right? The guys who banned two episodes of The Boondocks second season because they were critical of Viacom subsidiary “BET”? Things like this mess up a comedic artist.

The truth that people find in humor can’t really succeed when it’s being censored heavily. The first time you tell Aaron McGruder what he CAN’T say or do you’re hurting your product. That’s the irony of “suits” coming in after a show has become popular only to make changes that corrupt the original vision that made said show so damned popular in the first place. What does this have to do with Season 3?

On Aaron MacGuder’s twitter page he had an ominous tweet that hinted at the start of this season that this would indeed be the last season of the Boondocks. McGruder himself seemed unwilling to do much promotion for his own product. Maybe his vision for the Boondocks wasn’t about catchy sayings on T-shirts or coffee mugs. What was apparent though is that these shows are almost all filled with more content than needed. It’s like he knew that this was his last chance to get his take on things out to the public through this medium.

Some episodes seem simply crammed with content. It seems like it would take more than 20 minutes to convey a complete look at the entirety of the success of Tyler Perry and the effects on the black community. Even the first episode about Barrack Obama getting support because of his skin color, sex appeal and speaking ability seemed sort of rushed. Admittedly, expectations were probably TOO high for many fans that have been waiting over 2 years for the series to come back to Cartoon Network.

I’ve watched every episode at least 3 times and I’ve found that there is normally extra depth to be found in each one. This is something I’ve always done even in first season but this is the first time where I’ve felt that I HAD to watch each episode more than once to find the messages. I don’t think that is a good thing. The goal of good writing is to compel you to follow along but not make you feel like you’re working for it. I felt like I was doing work to find the point of several episodes this season. Without knowing all the behind the scenes stuff with the writing staff and company censors I’m still going to speculate on what I think happened.

I think McGruder is now trying to rush and get the last word on everything he wants to speak on while hiding some of his more controversial subject matter in the script. I don’t know if that is “funny” and I always thought the first goal of the show was to be funny in the prior seasons. I can’t wait until this season is over so that I can judge it as an entire arc because judging episode by episode is not the way to go. Sometimes you need distance to truly appreciate something like The Boondocks. I remember how angry people were about the comments of Uncle Rukus in the “Katrina” episode last year. Now that episode is widely praised by my circle of friends.

The topics this year have been about homophobia, the black church, political racism, racism helping to bring people together, misplaced nationalism and the parallels between drug dealing and school fund raisers. In short, it’s been all over the place and even if this season turns out to be the worst of the three that’s really not a diss. The first two seasons were among the best TV shows I’ve ever seen so I can forgive a subpar third season if things do indeed end up that way. If McGruder does choose to stop doing this show because of the pressures of success or censorship then I think this season’s failure to hit home is really on the suits at Cartoon Network. The stone that the builder refused indeed.