A couple of weeks ago, when a man named “Chey B” released a “slut shaming” article claiming that women who carried around condoms were not “ladies” many people were outraged on Black Twitter. A lot of women were moved to rage. I felt the anger was justified and I joined in their cause. Many went so far as to accuse the author of dooming them to a slow death from STDs because of his horrible standard of morality measurement. They encouraged black men to join in and defend the honor of women who take responsibility for their sexual activities. All were called to aid in the cause and very many showed up to help admonish that idiot.
Now that this most recent controversy is behind us it seems that the lessons learned are already evaporated. When I asked a simple question to my followers on Twitter I was shocked at the responses from the same sisters that had ridden so hard on the misogynistic blogger from 2 weeks ago. The question was simple:
“Ladies: Would you date a man who only carried female condoms?”
In my mind the obvious answer was “yes”. After all isn’t this the kindest gesture a gentleman can do? The female condom is designed for the female body. How is it any different from buying a silk pillow case for her side of the bed? (Real recognize real) Instead of a supportive showing of appreciation for the men who put the ladies first when approaching sexual intercourse I received a lot of disgusted replies. Even as I tried to get women to understand the hypocrisy of shaming men who carry female condoms they rejected all of my reasoning.
- This way the woman can be certain that everything is properly applied and she can protect herself.
- Women carry condoms designed for men and that is considered a good proactive approach. Why is this not the same for men?
- If this is part of his routine then this man obviously practices safe sex with all the women he interacts with.
Many women claimed pure ignorance to the ways of the female condom. But is that a man’s fault? There are plenty of instruction guides on YouTube, Wikipedia or even the back of the sack of female condoms. (I assume they come in a sack) As the person with the vagina it seems like the responsibility on knowing how to use a female condom would fall to the woman. Am I reaching too far to think that women should be empowered in this way? Even some of my strong feminist friends seemed silent when I called to them to aid me in my crusade to educate women on protecting themselves without relying on a man’s condom game. I was told all sorts of excuses.
- It’s weird.
- Gay men carry female condoms too.
- I wouldn’t know how to use one.
- It might dull the sensation
- He’s probably promiscuous
So wait a man must be promiscuous is he wants to protect himself? And he may be gay if he has female condoms on him? You guys do know that gay people are perfectly capable of applying a male condom right? I guess if he had no protection on him at all he wouldn’t be “weird” right? And men who carry male condoms have been known to sleep around as well. I don’t see how any of these critiques hold any relevance to the actual facts.
I can’t imagine the outrage if men were trotting around with those weak ass excuses for not wearing protection. Maybe I’m just “post-sexual” and the world isn’t ready for my enlightened views. Unlike so many of my Neanderthals brethren I see no reason that a woman can’t operate a DVR box, an automobile OR her own sexual protection devices in 2013. And in this case the hard work of actually buying protection has been taken care of by the person who is hoping to pleasure you. He’s gone to the deep dank back of the pharmacy and blown the dust off of the female contraceptives like Indiana Jones in the Temple of Poon. And how is he received? With another version of “slut shaming” that is only done to men: Gigolo Judging. When the roles are reversed no one questions this transaction but suddenly women are disgusted at this act of forethought and compassion?
On our latest podcast episode 437 “Dick-Tim Blaming”, I approached my wife and our female guest (Devon Elizabeth) about this very same topic and was essentially shut down. They felt that the mere mention of a female condom was upsetting and weird. Apparently, despite the best efforts of modern science women still think the female condom amounts to putting a Ziploc bag on top of their vagina. Is this a world we want to live in? I’d prefer to see women empowered and educated not afraid and dependent on a man to “figure it out” when it comes to their own protection.
Once again I find myself on the cutting edge of feminism with no allies and waiting for the rest of you guys to catch up to me. I challenge my sisters to actually take a long hard look at their vaginas in the mirror and ask yourself “who’s side am I really on?” Because I’m on the side of safe sex through any means and I’d LOVE to have you as company. If you fear taking the responsibility for protecting yourself upon your own shoulders then haven’t you already lost the battle?
But hey, who asked Rod?